In our journey as autism parents, we have had our share of trials when it came to matters concerning religion.
Even before, the diagnosis of our child on the spectrum, we had trouble in churches with our youngest. They would typically call us back saying things like
- She did this or that
- She needs to follow the rules
- We have to consider the needs of the other children
- She needs to be institutionalized or jailed.
We tell our story to other churches we visit and the people in the church seem compassionate enough when they hear it. There is the shaking of the head, the sympathetic pat on the shoulder and a statement that it would be fine for our child to come to this church because... "all are welcome" the stories that we told of our experience would never happen there.
They are well meaning in saying these things. There seems to be a willingness to learn about autism on the part of those who say this; however, there is always one person or a even a few people who do not feel the same way and do not wish to someone in the church who would be disruptive. They usually band together, talk to the church leadership and eventually they convince them that having us in their church was bad thing. Some even say that this is "God's will" .
I wonder though, what exactly is a God's Will for people on the spectrum?
We certainly don't know the answer. As far as I know, the Bible doesn't cover autism (or OCD , ODD etc.) It gives no specific set of instructions on how to handle someone like our child, however, I believe that there is one thing that might give all of us a good starting point.
Listen:
Psalms 46:10 "Be Still and Know that I am God"
This particular verse, while simple is difficult to accept amidst the chaos that sometimes comes with autism, however, in being still, one can observe and learn more about the child. This skill is probably one of the most important things that any parent can learn in order to connect with the child. After all, what good would it be to just talk "at" the child or anyone else for that matter? No one learns anything by constantly nagging, posturing or quoting the rule book.
Be Open to Change:
Isaiah 43:19 "See, I am doing a new thing"
Autism is something very new to many people and the number of cases seem to keep climbing. This new thing called autism, if we are to work with it and those affected, requires that we be open to this new change.
Many people, including those on the spectrum are afraid of change, yet we all acknowledge that change is inevitable. So our job as autism parents is to embrace the change and work within the change that is already happening within our children all the while making use of and adapting old skills and learning new ways to communicate with our children and perhaps even the rest of the world.
Don't be afraid to learn something new. As of my pastors once said(wisely) "the day you stop learning is the day you stop growing"
Accept that this may not be comfortable:
I could go through a whole plethora of verses on this one. The prophets weren't comfortable and certainly had to step outside the comfort zone. Joseph probably didn't find prison very comfortable. Change is sometimes going to be painful and there are many who would run from it simply because the change is not comfortable. Our job is to help our children through those changes, especially when the change is painful.
Accept the mistakes:
This should be a no-brainer, actually, but there a many who will worry incessantly about making a mistake when raising children and others who pass this "worry" trait on to their children, putting extra pressure on them to be perfect so that good schools will come and take them or they will get an executive lever job. Keep in mind, that It's okay to make a mistake. No one achieved anything without making mistakes or failing several times. This is a normal part of growing. We must accept this in ourselves and in others.
So does this answer the question of "What is God's Will for Autism"? I can't say that anyone can answer that fully, for there are many perspectives that could be valid. I will say that if a condition forces us to listen, to adapt and learn new ways to relate to one another, then perhaps that is part of God's Will.
Listen:
Psalms 46:10 "Be Still and Know that I am God"
This particular verse, while simple is difficult to accept amidst the chaos that sometimes comes with autism, however, in being still, one can observe and learn more about the child. This skill is probably one of the most important things that any parent can learn in order to connect with the child. After all, what good would it be to just talk "at" the child or anyone else for that matter? No one learns anything by constantly nagging, posturing or quoting the rule book.
Be Open to Change:
Isaiah 43:19 "See, I am doing a new thing"
Autism is something very new to many people and the number of cases seem to keep climbing. This new thing called autism, if we are to work with it and those affected, requires that we be open to this new change.
Many people, including those on the spectrum are afraid of change, yet we all acknowledge that change is inevitable. So our job as autism parents is to embrace the change and work within the change that is already happening within our children all the while making use of and adapting old skills and learning new ways to communicate with our children and perhaps even the rest of the world.
Don't be afraid to learn something new. As of my pastors once said(wisely) "the day you stop learning is the day you stop growing"
Accept that this may not be comfortable:
I could go through a whole plethora of verses on this one. The prophets weren't comfortable and certainly had to step outside the comfort zone. Joseph probably didn't find prison very comfortable. Change is sometimes going to be painful and there are many who would run from it simply because the change is not comfortable. Our job is to help our children through those changes, especially when the change is painful.
Accept the mistakes:
This should be a no-brainer, actually, but there a many who will worry incessantly about making a mistake when raising children and others who pass this "worry" trait on to their children, putting extra pressure on them to be perfect so that good schools will come and take them or they will get an executive lever job. Keep in mind, that It's okay to make a mistake. No one achieved anything without making mistakes or failing several times. This is a normal part of growing. We must accept this in ourselves and in others.
So does this answer the question of "What is God's Will for Autism"? I can't say that anyone can answer that fully, for there are many perspectives that could be valid. I will say that if a condition forces us to listen, to adapt and learn new ways to relate to one another, then perhaps that is part of God's Will.
No comments:
Post a Comment